Steady… Steady this heart.

A couple weeks ago, I went to a missionary conference where I spent a whole week with a group of about 100 people, most of whom had spent a good amount of time as missionaries overseas.

In a way, I felt like I was on a trip back in time.  Somehow, just looking at the people I was with and hearing them talk, made me think of the age of Bible Crusades and tent meetings- the era when the gospel was given a bit more up-front and in-your-face. Most people were double my age and the bearers of that era. It was a good dose of Brethren culture with a few jokes here and there about how Brethren don’t like change and a few gentle reminders not to judge others who do things differently.

To me, who had just come out of four years of university-age Christian conferences filled with youthful passion, latest technology, and cutting edge evangelism, this felt a little old-fashioned. I laughingly mentioned this to Erin and she said, “I don’t really think it’s old-fashioned. I think of it more as steady.”

Steady. That is a word my generation hardly thinks of and rarely aspires to. In my mind it is right in the category of characteristics deemed outdated or boring by today’s culture- words like prudent, modest, wise, chivalrous, and submissive. Steady fits right in.

But should it be outdated?

 “Steady” stayed with me all week and I began to look at the people around me through that lens- the lens that denotes commitment and unwavering faith- and I began to see beautiful things.

I saw humanity and weakness. We struggled through seminars on stress management and how to deal with the weight of hurting people and a sick world. We grappled with the concept of forgiveness and what that looks like in conflicts with co-workers. We even had a workshop on remembering to serve with love. Why, when these things are so very basic? Because we are so very human.

Yet in strange combination with this, I saw strength, steadiness. I met a woman who looked like she had stepped out of one of my mom’s photographs from the 80’s with a heart of pure gold and a smile that shone pure joy; an Egyptian working in a Bible society for 30 years- facing his stores being burned and his people being persecuted; and his wife who spent 25 years working in a garbage village and watching its people be transformed by Christ’s love. I met a girl a couple of years older than myself whose heart’s desire is to spend the rest of her life serving India’s urban poor, and I heard the stories of hurting missionaries who are facing sickness and pain like so many copies of Job. I met countless people who have been on the mission field longer than I have been alive, and a precious few who have served double my lifetime.

That’s His grace- combining weakness with strength in an unlikely mixture. 

Old-fashioned? Yes, probably- at least in many people’s eyes. But old does not mean bad. I am far from steady, yet if I can get to age 60 or 70 and have a heart similar to some of the ones I met, I suppose I can stand being a bit old-fashioned.

So, steady now…. In spite of myself…Steady this heart.